'It's not just you'
“I remember my mum asking me whether I was an addict or not, and I said “I can stop whenever I want to, I just don’t want to cus life sucks. That was literally the biggest lie I’ve ever told to anyone. I didn’t realize it at the time, but with hindsight it was so obvious.”
Anonymous
“I fell into a really bad addiction as a teenager and was really depressed. If I hadn’t asked for help I’d probably be homeless - if I wasn’t already dead, and if I’d somehow managed to escape prison. It would be one of those three.”
Anonymous
“I celebrated two years clean two days ago. I was with the people I care about most, and it was a night that just reminded me “magic” is real. I would safely call that the best day of my life (so far…).
Anonymous
“Whilst I was using drugs I was so convinced that it wasn't a problem and that my addiction to drugs and alcohol was just my mental health. I thought if I could fix my mental health I could drink like everyone else. Every time I would be like “okay, I’ll have one drink and that’s it”, but every time I just couldn’t do it. “
Anonymous
“I was 15 when I had my first thoughts of suicide. As a child I learnt that my feelings, as a man, were irrelevant. I internalized this belief, and it prevented me from asking for help. As a result, I never learnt how to process or deal with my emotions in a healthy way. I come from a family of successful individuals, from physical appearance to academic success. I can’t remember a time where I didn’t feel pressure to meet the standards that the rest of my family met. When I found alcohol and drugs, my world completely changed and all of those internal and external pressures simply vanished. Taking substances allowed me to run from how I really felt because all I had to do was suppress them by getting high. I was convinced that I had discovered Eden. After some time, the drugs and alcohol stopped having the “eden effect”. My suicidal thoughts returned, my depression deepened and I started self-harming in an effort to keep running. I grew paranoid and anxious. A few days after my sixteenth birthday, I drank too much and attempted suicide. When I woke up the next day, I tried again the week later, only to survive for the second time. I continued to push away all of my friends who were terrified of what was happening to me. Whatever I could do to keep drinking and using drugs, I did. I stole from my family, friends, even teachers at my school. I had no intention of living a happy life. My sole purpose was no longer living, it was obtaining drugs and alcohol. When I couldn’t get my hands on alcohol, I went so far as to drink hand sanitizer as a replacement. This cycle continued for months. I was kicked out of school, my friends stopped talking to me, I lost my sense of self. My sadness deepened, and my anger at the world only fuelled my path of destruction. My anger was a way of masking how sad I really felt. I was painfully lonely, overwhelmed with feelings of shame and the belief that I was absolutely worthless and unlovable. After all of the damage I caused, I was sent to a treatment center, five days after my seventeenth birthday. Things changed dramatically during the ten weeks I spent in treatment. I went through a lot of pain, but I emerged a better person for it. My journey of recovery is tough, but I’ve gained new friends and repaired the damage I dealt to my loved ones. I’m still repairing some of the damage, but it's such a change from my old life. I’m so grateful for everything I have gained and learnt, and I am always looking forward to the future, because each day brings something new to be happy about.”
Anonymous
“I was so desperate. I was so unbelievably depressed. I didn’t think that I could be any more sad. I had two choices, continue where I’m going and die, or do something different. And actually do something rather than think about doing something. I feel like that desperation was what actually helped me start healing and working towards getting better”
Anonymous
“I used to look at my eyes in the mirror and they had no shine. They were just so empty. Now there is a glow that has come back.”
Anonymous
“By the time I hit 13 years old, I was too deep in my depression to make sense of what to do. I didn’t know how to talk about it, and I didn’t think I could trust anyone with the secrets I had been holding onto for years. I hid behind fake smiles and humor. I had tried everything, from self-harm to bulimia, just to get through uncomfortable emotions and traumas. When I found alcohol and drugs, I thought I’d found the answers to my problems. At first, being high made me feel like the best version of myself; It gave me the confidence I had spent my whole life chasing, and it relieved me of feelings of inadequacy, depression and shame. There’s no denying that I had fun times. But inevitably the drugs stopped working for me like before, and all those feelings were still here when I sobered up.
By sixteen, I felt like I had nothing to live for. The only thing that kept me going through the day was using. My friend’s were worried and didn’t like who I turned into when I was high. I felt like nobody understood me, and I still believed I had it under control. I told myself I could stop when I wanted to. I had zero interest in everything that had once brought me joy. I quit my sports team, lost my friends, stopped trying in school and began isolating myself from the world. In a moment of desperation, I spoke to a teacher at school about what was going on. Whilst the people around me tried to help me get better, I didn’t know how to help myself.
Right before my seventeenth birthday, a suicide attempt landed me in a treatment centre. The moment that changed everything for me was hearing people tell their own stories; stories that I could relate to. There’s no sugarcoating how challenging my recovery has been since, but today my life is filled with quality and reciprocal friendships, a genuine desire and ambition to learn and peace.”
Anonymous
Anonymous
“I think the best skill is learning how to feel okay with uncomfortable feelings. It used to feel like the end of the world when I was having a bad day because I felt like it would never get better. I guess now I am actually okay with it because I have evidence that it passes. I don’t need to change how I feel”